


Bent Your Shoulders To Hold The Weight of the World (You Will Surely Shatter)

by waveryder



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: ColdAtom Week 2017, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, i can't believe they're putting leonard snart back on the waverider, let leonard snart be soft, post-oculus leonard is soft, with his boyfriend ray palmer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 03:09:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11004708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveryder/pseuds/waveryder
Summary: “Why are you avoiding me, Raymond?” comes the all too familiar drawl. It hits Ray like a gust of wind, wrapping itself around his heart. Ray doesn’t say anything or turn around, and he knows it comes off as rude and immature, but he just can’t look at Leonard, not now.





	Bent Your Shoulders To Hold The Weight of the World (You Will Surely Shatter)

**Author's Note:**

> Coldatom Week Day 1: Hurt/Comfort

Ray is standing at the door to the Med Bay, watching as Martin and Sara stand around one of the medical chairs, and he’s looking at a ghost. Leonard Snart, just sitting there, getting scanned and tested. Like he was never gone. He looks a bit worse for wear, but it’s him. He’s here, alive, and whole. Ray can’t believe his eyes. His heart has been pounding since they found him. Gideon had alerted them of a man wandering around a small village in France. A man who looked a lot like Snart. The team couldn’t believe it, that Leonard Snart was possibly alive. The Oculus exploded, and took the entire Vanishing Point with it, including Leonard, but there he is, and Ray can’t think straight.

Martin is yammering on to Sara, but Leonard is just sitting there with his eyes closed. There’s no discomfort on his face, just a calm sort of peace. Ray still thinks it’s beautiful, even if he is freaking out about the whole situation. There are so many questions, the main one being, _how are you alive right now?_ Ray knows Leonard is going to get the third degree once he’s done being scanned and monitored.

 Leonard rolls his head to the side, and his eyes open to stare right at Ray. Ray’s breath catches in his throat, and he freezes, like a deer caught in a pair of headlights. He doesn’t know what to do, or think, everything has slowed down and the eye contact feels as though it lasts minutes instead of seconds. Sara says something that grabs Leonard’s attention, so Raymond makes his escape, down the hall to the lab. He can avoid the entire situation in there.

 [...]

 He actually can’t avoid the situation in his lab for long, because Sara is calling everyone to the bridge. Ray is the last one to file in, and he can feel Leonard’s gaze on him. Ray just keeps his eyes focused on Sara, not bothering to glance around the room.

“Ok, so, this is all very… weird,” Sara says, “and we need some answers.” She looks pointedly as Leonard, who is leaning against the center console.

He just sigh and uncrosses his arms. “What’d you wanna know?”

“For starters, how are you even alive?” Jax asks.

Leonard just shrugs. “Don’t know.”

The team wait for him to elaborate, and when he doesn’t Sara steps in.

“You don’t know?” she asks. “Well, what’s the last thing you remember?”

Leonard waits a few moments before speaking. “There was bright light, and when I woke up, I was in that village.”

“But before that? Do you remember the Oculus?” Martin prompts. “Do you remember… sacrificing yourself?”

Leonard stands up a little straighter, crossing his arms over his chest again, closing himself off.

“I do,” he drawls, “but that was… long before I turned up.”

“What do you mean, _long before_? How long?” Sara pries.

“Long enough,” Leonard says, and he stalks off. He walks right past Ray, their shoulders brushing slightly. It feels like electricity.

[...]

Ray tries his best to avoid Leonard. He shouldn’t, but he can’t look at the man. The man who gave his life for the team, so Ray didn’t have to. If he stays in a room with Leonard for too long he might just break. He needs time, away from Leonard and the rest of the team’s probing questions. He actually wishes the others would leave Leonard alone. The man just got back from wherever he was, and he probably didn’t want to be bombarded with so much attention.

Ray walks into the kitchen, only to see Leonard sitting at the table with Nate, Jax, and Mick. Mick had been just as shocked as Ray when they found the other man, but they had once again become inseparable within minutes of Leonard coming on board the Waverider. Ray is very happy about that, having witnessed Mick spiral at the lost of his best friend.

“Come on, man, give us something?” Jax pleads. “If it wasn’t instant, the time between the Oculus exploding and you showing up all of the sudden, then where were you?”

“I was,” Leonard pauses, watching Ray walk to the fridge, “I must’ve been in the time stream, somehow. It’s all really fuzzy, and I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Ray can hear the tired frustration in Leonard’s voice, and it makes him want to snap at the others. He doesn’t say anything, though, just grabs a water from the refrigerator and scurries off. He can feel Leonard stare him down once again as he leaves, and it makes the hair on the back of his neck stand. He retreats to his room, hoping they don’t cross paths for a while.

[...]

Ray successfully avoids Leonard that entire day, and is going for two when they have a new mission come up. Sara tells Leonard to hang back on the ship, and he doesn’t protest, glad to get some peace and quiet. Leonard still sits in on the briefing, and he still trains his eyes on Ray, but Ray keeps his mind on the mission. He just needs more time, a little more space, and it’s difficult when he can feel Leonard’s eyes burning holes in the back of his skull. Ray wonders, why won’t he just leave him alone?

Ray leaves the fabrication room, and has to walk past Leonard’s room. He knows the man is in there, and he hopes his door is closed. He’ll just walk quickly past his door, it won’t matter anyway. He tucks his ATOM suit into it’s case and shoves that in his pocket. Making his way down the hall, as quickly as possible, he ends up stumbling on his feet. Right in front of Leonard’s open door. He doesn’t fall, but he catches himself on the door frame. Leonard looks up from his book, and their eyes meet, Ray looking like a fish, bug eyed and mouth hanging open.

“I, uh, sorry,” he mumbles rapidly, and rushes off. He shakes his head, willing the heat on his face to disappear.

 [...]

The mission goes about as well as it usually does, but they get the job done. Ray got blindsided and shot out of the sky, but he’s no worse than any of the others. He’s tired and sore, but he needs to repair his suit. So he ends up taking a quick shower and heads to his lab to settle in for a long night of repairs.

He’s tinkering with the propulsion jets on the back, when suddenly he feels like he’s being watched. He takes a deep breath, but continues working, hoping that who he thinks it is will leave.

“Why are you avoiding me, Raymond?” comes the all too familiar drawl. It hits Ray like a gust of wind, wrapping itself around his heart. Ray doesn’t say anything or turn around, and he knows it comes off as rude and immature, but he just can’t look at Leonard, not now 

He hears footsteps approach him, and he can’t focus on the task in front of him. His heart is pounding like a drum, in his chest and his ears, and he just wants to be left alone. He just needs time, time to gather himself, to make sure he won’t have a complete break down in front of Leonard God Damn Snart. The man he thought was dead, the man whom Ray’s heart broke for, the man who didn’t want to be a hero, but died one anyway. Ray had felt so lost when Leonard died, and he didn’t know why. Until he emerged from the dead, and was looking at Ray like he was the answer to every problem, like Leonard had been waiting for him the entire time he was gone.

“Come on, Boy Scout, enough with the _cold shoulder_ ,” Leonard says, and Ray can hear the smirk in his voice. He wants to be annoyed, he wants to snap at the man, tell him to go away. But he doesn’t, because he doesn’t want Leonard to go away. He wants Leonard to stay, with him, in the lab, anywhere. God, just _stay_.

Ray turns around to face the direction Leonard is in, and fiddles with the screwdriver in his hand, looking down at it in lieu of looking at Leonard. He doesn’t know how to respond, but he can already feel a lump forming in his throat.

“Raymond?” Leonard asks, his voice soft and void of any snark.

“You’re supposed to be dead,” Ray finally says, eyes still glued to the tool in his hand.

“I know that,” Leonard says, walking up to Ray. “But I’m not, I don’t think I ever was.”

Ray looks up at Leonard, into those blue eyes that make Ray’s heart pulse twice as fast.

“What do you mean?” Ray asks, swallowing hard.

Leonard is looking right at Ray, but his gaze holds no edge. It still burns him, like frostbite to his soul, how vulnerable that stare can make him. He breathes in, stuttering slightly. He can’t do this, not now, but Leonard starts to answer him.

“I think when the Oculus exploded, it sent me somewhere,” Leonard says, thoughtfully, “the time stream, maybe, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean it sent you somewhere? What happened to you, Leonard?” Ray doesn’t know when _Snart_ became _Leonard_ , but it seems to catch them both by surprise. Leonard’s eyes widen for a split second, before he schools his expression into something calm and soft.

“I was just floating, I suppose. I was just this… energy.” Leonard looks down at his hands, flexing his fingers. “I was present, but I don’t think I had a body.”

Ray just looks at Leonard, he wants to reach out, but he can’t move. Leonard looks back up, and pins Ray once again with his eyes. They’re so close, when did Leonard get so close?

“How long were you there?” Ray asks.

Leonard just shrugs. “No idea. I don’t think time works like it does here, or how it did in the Vanishing Point. This was entirely different. All I can say is, it felt like an eternity.” His voice takes on a somber tone, and it sounds lonely.

“What was it like in there?” Ray’s voice is soft, but he’s proud it remains even.

Leonard sighs, his chest heaving. “I saw everything, at once, every timeline. Past, present, and future. Did you know that there are emotions tied to specific timelines? Deep, powerful emotions.” Ray just shakes his head. “It took a long time getting used to, the anger, the euphoria, the pain. There was so much of it.”

The urge to reach out and touch Leonard only became stronger, Ray almost gives in. He almost grabs Leonard’s hand, wanting to soothe him, comfort him. But this is Leonard “I don’t do touchy feely” Snart, and Ray isn’t about to cross that boundary.

“But there was one timeline, tied to a specific person, that I felt the most,” Leonard says. “All I could feel was doubt, fear,” he pauses and looks straight into Ray’s eyes. “And loneliness. There was so much loneliness there.” Ray can feel the lump in his throat growing, and he can feel his eyes begin to burn. Leonard moves closer, until he’s inches away from the other man.

“That was you, Raymond,” Leonard says, his voice as gentle as possible.

Ray lets out a stuttering breath, but he can’t do much else before Leonard’s hand reaches up to cup his cheek, smoothing his thumb right under his eye. There’s a moment of hesitation, but then Leonard is leaning forward, and placing the softest kiss on Ray’s lips. There’s reassurance in their lips meeting, a sweet tug at Ray’s heart and he can’t hold back any longer. He feels tears well up in his eyes, and they begin to fall softly down his cheeks. He pulls away and turns around.

He doesn’t cry in front of people, he doesn’t need the sympathy, or worse, the judgement. He learned a long time ago to keep it hidden, something he did in private. Even then, he trained himself to cry quietly, to not bring attention to himself. He remembers lying in bed, in his room at home, weeping softly. He didn’t want his parents or his brother to hear him. Didn’t want Sydney to ridicule him, as if crying were some sin. His parents would just tell him there wasn’t a need to cry, that having a stiff upper lip was how to carry one’s self.

So, he doesn’t cry in front of anyone.

“I’m sorry, I -” he stutters, voice cracking. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Ray wipes at his eyes, but they just well up again. He feels a hand on his arm, and he’s being turned around. Leonard pulls him close, hand at the back of Ray’s neck, arm coming to wrap around Ray’s back.

Ray buries his face on Leonard’s neck and lets out a heart wrenching sob, from deep within his chest. He can feel it crack open his soul, expelling everything inside him that makes him hurt.

Leonard threads his fingers through the soft hair at the nape of Ray’s neck, while he holds him close. Ray has his arms wrapped around Leonard’s middle, clinging to him like a lifeline. He’s afraid he’ll drift away, float off into nothingness if he lets go, waves of emotion pulling him out to sea.

Ray cries, whimpers falling from his lips, with every soft touch Leonard gives him. He yearns for this closeness, this type of intimacy, and to receive it from the one and only Leonard Snart, makes Ray’s head swim, his heart twist, and his whole world bloom with color.

Leonard holds him through it all, and they stand there in each other’s arms, in a calm silence. The only sounds are Ray’s stuttering sobs every so often. Once his cries die down, he pulls back, but still holds on. Leonard untangles himself, but doesn’t remove Ray’s arms form around his torso. He reaches to hold Ray’s face with both hands, wiping under Ray’s eyes. 

“You’re different,” Ray croaks. “You’re… softer. Please don’t hate me for saying that.”

Leonard huffs out a small laugh.

“No, you’re right. I guess spending an eternity wrapped up in every emotion possible, made me more in tune with my own,” Leonard says, as they still cling to each other. “I don’t think I’m afraid of being vulnerable anymore, because I’ve learned it as a universal feeling.”

“God, _Leonard_ ,” Ray breathes, leaning his forehead against Leonard’s. Leonard smiles, soft and gentle, and bumps his nose against Ray’s. Ray whimpers at the touch, feeling something bright and warm spread throughout his chest.

Ray leans in and presses their lips together, giving Leonard a deeper kiss, with purpose and passion. Leonard takes it as an invitation to push a little further, so he licks at Ray’s lips, coaxing him to let him in. Ray does, opening his mouth, letting their tongues meet. There is no competition for who leads, just a meld of affection and intimacy, filling the air around them, filling them up within. They stay like that, in the middle of the lab, door wide open, for anyone to walk in and see, and it doesn’t matter.

Ray never stops holding onto Leonard, and Leonard has one hand on Ray’s cheek, cupping his face, and the other grasping at Ray’s head, massaging his scalp. It makes Ray weak, and wanting more. Leonard pulls away first, Ray chasing his lips. He pulls back, blushing, feeling slightly embarrassed at the sudden urge to cling even harder. Leonard just bumps their noses together again, feeling Ray sigh. Ray sags a bit, resting his head on Leonard’s shoulder. 

“So, where do we go from here?” Ray asks, his voice quiet and small, as if he’s afraid of the answer he’ll get.

“Well,” Leonard starts, “there aren’t anymore empty rooms since the new kids on the block decided to tag along. I need a place to stay.” Ray pulls back, and looks at Leonard with wide eyes.

“You want to stay with _me_ ? In _my_ room?” he asks, voice shaking.

“Of course,” Leonard says. He gives Ray another kind smile, a look Ray never thought he’d see on the other man’s face. “You done hiding out, now?”

Ray chuckles and leans in for another kiss.

“Yes,” he mutters against Leonard’s mouth.

“Good,” Leonard steps away, grabbing Ray’s hand. “I guess we better get going, I need help moving in.”

“You don’t have any belongings,” Ray says simply.

“Well, we’ll just have to find something else to do in there then.” Leonard winks and pulls Ray out of the lab and down the hall.

Ray lets out a laugh, but lets Leonard lead him to his - _their_ \- quarters.

He doesn’t know what really happened to Leonard during his time away, and he doesn’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Ray supposes when you live on a spaceship, traveling through time, there isn’t much use for thinking like that. You just have enjoy the ride while it lasts.

**Author's Note:**

> post-Oculus Leonard is Soft and I love it.
> 
> follow [bottomraypalmer](http://bottomraypalmer.tumblr.com/) for more soft coldatom


End file.
